


The Art Of Self Care

by donnarafiki



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Banter, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Exam Stress, Hogwarts Eighth Year, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Self-Esteem Issues, Stress
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-29
Updated: 2018-05-12
Packaged: 2019-04-29 14:46:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,632
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14474973
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/donnarafiki/pseuds/donnarafiki
Summary: When Draco collapses during a History of Magic exam, it becomes clear that he needs to start taking better care of himself. Problem is, he doesn't really know how to do that.And he doesn't feel like he deserves to learn either.





	1. Chapter 1

Harry practically ran out of the examination room as soon as he was allowed to leave. The last exam before spring break, a History of Magic exam, had been gruesome. Not because of the questions though. Halfway through the exam Draco, who Harry was proud to call his boyfriend these days, had collapsed.

Just like that, he’d toppled over, out of his chair, and no one had been able to wake him up. Professor Sinistra had ended up floating him to the hospital wing, and soon after she’d come back announcing everything was okay. But that could have easily been a lie to calm the other students down of course.

“Ah, Mr Potter. I take it your exam is over?” Madam Pomfrey was already waiting for him at the door when he arrived. “He’s all the way at the end, in the left bed.”

“Is he okay? Do you know what happened yet?” Harry asked as soon as he’d caught his breath a bit. The eight years weren’t allowed to play quidditch for their house, and that decision had taken its toll on his endurance.

“Mr. Malfoy is badly dehydrated, suffers from hypoglycemia, extreme exhaustion and sky high stress levels. Honestly, I don’t know how he managed to keep going this long. I would have expected him to pass out much sooner with test results like this.” Madam Pomfrey shook her head. “But he did prove to be quite sturdy last year, so I’m sure he’ll be back on his feet soon enough.”

“He’s going to be okay then?” Harry asked worriedly, his gaze never leaving the curtains set around the last bed on the left.

“Physically? Certainly. But if he doesn’t start listening to his own body this is bound to happen again.” Pomfrey let out a deep breath that drew Harry’s attention away from the bed. The nurse looked deeply saddened. “He’s so dead set on proving himself, to a point where his body just shuts down. No eighteen year old should have to work that hard.”

“I’ve been telling him that for months, but…” His gaze drifted back to the bed, that was coming into view now that they rounded the curtains. “He’s too stubborn to listen.”

“Well, keep telling him anyway Mr Potter.” Pomfrey told him sternly. “And make sure he stays in bed and rests. I won’t release him until at least tomorrow.”

“I will, thank you.” Harry nodded at the nurse, and then finally reached his boyfriend’s bedside. Draco was still asleep. An IV tube slowly leaked fluid into one of his veins. His lips looked dry and chapped, and his face was paler than usual. The pale skin stretched over now even sharper looking cheekbones made him look like he hadn’t eaten in days.

Maybe he hadn’t. For fear of risking their relationship Harry had stopped bothering Draco about his self-care habits as the exams began. In fact he’d stopped bothering him about basically everything, which was probably why Draco had passed out in the first place.

Harry cursed himself for not paying more attention to the Slytherin. This was the second time he’d send Draco to the hospital wing with some serious injuries, and though this was less extreme than in sixth year, it felt so much worse.

Suddenly Draco stirred a bit, mumbling something about a goblin convention in 1354. Harry quickly approached him and sat on the edge of the bed. As if on instinct, Draco reached out and wrapped his ice cold fingers around Harry’s hand. It took several more minutes before he was actually awake though.

“Harry…” His lover mumbled, disoriented eyes peeking through long light lashes. “Wha-, why-, where am I? What happened?”

“You passed out during our History of Magic exam.” Harry smiled at his boyfriend and squeezed his hand. “Pomfrey said you-”

“I passed out during an _exam_!?” Draco bolted upright, panic flooding his grey, wide open eyes. He’d moved too fast though, and seconds later his head fell back on the pillow. His chest was heaving, but as soon as he could manage it he still tried to sit up again. “Can I still finish it? Or did I fuck-”

“Draco, _calm down_.” Harry pushed Draco back down with a flat palm against his chest. “You need to rest. Rest and eat and rest and drink and then rest some more. You can worry about exams later, but only in _appropriate_ amounts. It’s not the end of the world if you don’t get a perfect score on everything.”

“Maybe not for you.” Draco’s voice was somewhat high pitched and clearly constricted with panic. “I’ve got shit enough prospects as it is, because I ruined my own chances. This is the one thing I can do that depends solely on myself instead of the pity of others. I can’t slack off unless I want to end up homeless in a bloody ditch.”

“Well you’re going to have to slack off, otherwise you’ll end up in a coffin with a bloody heart attack.” Harry snapped. “Seriously Draco, you have to start taking better care of yourself, or this is going to end up doing you in. It’s not healthy.”

“Neither is being unemployed and homeless.” Draco stubbornly refused to meet Harry’s eye, even though he was so exhausted his eyelids were beginning to droop. “I’m not allowed to leave Britain for another ten years because of that stupid parole agreement, and without perfect scores I have no chance of getting an in anywhere. I have no money and I _refuse_ to live off charity. This is my only shot.”

That little speech silenced Harry for a moment. He hadn’t thought about Draco’s situation like that. Of course he’d known all the facts, the loss of family fortune, the travel ban and the tainted reputation, but he hadn’t known the _feeling_. Not until now, looking at the pure desperation in his lover’s eyes.

“I don’t know how to help you with that yet.” His voice was small, much smaller than he thought it would be. “But please Draco, don’t do this to yourself. Don’t self destruct like this. You deserve to take your time, get some rest and look after yourself. You’ve been through enough. Please.”

“I don’t know how.” It was just a small whisper. The slightest breeze would have overpowered it. “Ever since Voldemort… Ever since he came to the manor. Since then I just don’t know. I just-, I just survive. I don’t know what else to do.”

“I get that.” Harry closed his eyes for a moment, trying to keep his emotions at bay. This was how he had felt for so long, and how he would _still_ feel if no one had tried to help him. And it was quite obvious now that no one had tried to help Draco. No one had tried that for years. He bit him bottom lip for a moment, before giving in and pulling his lover into a hug. “But if you’re willing to accept some help, things do get better. I promise.”

Draco didn’t speak or nod, but he did hug Harry back, even though his arms were heavy with sleep. Harry’s heart swelled with love, and he kissed the soft skin on Draco’s neck. Then the Slytherin relaxed a bit, and just lay there together, at peace, taking strength from the closeness of the other. It was quite a healing moment.

“I clearly said let my patient _rest_ , Mr Potter.” Pomfrey’s voice called out sternly. “I did _not_ say use him as a mattress.”

“Crap.” Harry sat up so fast he got a sudden spell of dizziness and fell off the bed, right on his arse. Draco snorted loudly and even Madam Pomfrey’s eyes showed a twinkle of joy, though her mouth was still as stern as ever. “I’m sorry ma’am. I got a bit side-tracked.”

“So I’ve seen.” Madam Pomfrey noted through Draco’s fit of laughter. “Now I suggest you get back on track, Mr Potter. If you behave, I’ll allow you to legally stay here tonight. If not, you’ll have to get out before six am or you’ll be serving detention for a month. Am I understood?”

Harry nodded. This was the first time a staff member, other than McGonagall, had threatened him with detention. It felt oddly nice.

“Yes, _Potter_. She did not say use me as a mattress.” Draco said in his haughtiest tone as soon Madam Pomfrey was out of earshot. “How _dare_ you.”

Harry snorted. “Not my fault you’re so comfortable.”

Now it was Draco’s time to laugh, and he did so without holding back until he was clutching his stomach. Harry made use of that time by kicking off his shoes and enlarging the bed a bit before he climbed in next to Draco.

“You’re impossible, Potter.” Draco threw and arm around his shoulder and pulled him closer so he could kiss Harry’s forehead. “Thank you.”

“Don’t mention it.” Harry kissed him back.

“And I will…” Draco trailed off for a moment to take a deep breath. “I will try to be open for help. But I’m not promising anything.”

“Of course you’re not.” Harry chuckled, and started trailing a line of kisses over his collarbones. “But you don’t have to, just as long as you try.”

Draco opened his mouth to shoot something back, but he was silenced by the approaching footsteps of Madam Pomfrey. And after that, he was silenced by a large yawn. Harry used the latter by cheekily licking the corner of Draco’s mouth, which earned him a shove in the ribs.

“Cut it out Harry, or I’m kicking you out of the bed.”

“Sorry.”

Draco glared at him. “You’re not really sorry now, are you?”

“No.” Harry kissed the corner of his mouth again, without licking this time. Draco rolled his eyes, but he smiled all the same. And then he yawned again, but Harry didn’t pester him now. He just shifted a bit so Draco could tuck his head into the crook of his neck, which he did almost immediately. “Sleep well babe.”

“Fuck off Potter.” Harry snickered. He knew Draco didn’t mean that. He also knew that the Slytherin still had a long way to go, but he was determined to be with him every step of the way.

“Love you too, Draco. Love you too.”

 


	2. Chapter 2

“I don’t think I’ve ever been this tired in my life and I just slept for twelve consecutive hours.” Draco turned around and buried his face in one of the pillows, muffling his next words. “Why sleep when it doesn’t even stop you from being exhausted? What’s the point? I might as well try to do something useful.”

“You are doing no such things, Draco.” His boyfriend poked him in the side. Draco grumbled, looked up, and glared at him, which sadly didn’t stop the Gryffindor from talking some more. “You have a lot more sleep to catch up to than what you got so far. And don’t you dare do anything but catch up on some rest, food and fun the upcoming days. I won’t allow it.”

He huffed. “You’re not my mother. I don’t have to listen to you.”

“But I do have the ability to write your mother, and I will not shy away from doing so if you don’t listen.”

Draco’s eyes went wide as he was flooded with a mild sense of mortification. “You _wouldn’t_.”

“I would.” Harry bend forward and kissed his nose. “Because I’m your boyfriend, I care for you, and I can’t stand to see you treat yourself like this. I don’t doubt your mother thinks the same way.”

“You think my mom sees me as her boyfriend?” Draco asked as he dropped his face back into the pillow. He was only pestering the Gryffindor to put a stop to the emotions flooding his system. They were too intense for the early morning, or any other time of the day really. “That would be pretty fucked up, Harry.”

“That’s not what I meant you prick.” Harry shoved him and flung his legs over the edge of the bed. He still pressed a kiss to his shoulder before really getting up to leave for the bathroom though. “I won’t be a moment.”

Draco tried to stretch his arms out towards him, as an act of drama while asking _please stay Potter. How can I live without my saviour?_ But he couldn’t. There was apparently an IV tube in his arm, constricting his movements with a sharp pain as he pulled on the tube. “Bloody fuck.”

He hadn’t noticed the thing the day before. _Merlin_ , he was seriously and royally fucked.

In sixth year his habit to skip meals had never broken him up, even though he’d done it more often then than he did now. And more importantly, during the war his body had never once failed him. However badly battered, bruised, exhausted or tortured it’d been, it always listened. It had been the one thing he could always rely on.

Until yesterday.

And in some ways, that failure felt very personal. _No need to survive beyond this point_. _No one needs you now._  

“Mr Malfoy.” He was mercifully pulled out of his ponderings by the arrival of the school nurse. “I’m glad to see you’re awake after a good long night of sleep.”

He nodded, not sure what to say to her. She didn’t seem eager for a chat though, just prodded him a bit here and there, before inspecting the IV. “I will take this out if you promise to eat and drink properly from now on, Mr Malfoy.”

“I don’t think I have much of a choice in that matter.” He muttered under his breath as he eyed his boyfriend come back from the bathroom. Then he directed his attention back at the nurse. “Yes ma’am, I will.”

“I’m keeping you to that.” Pomfrey gave him a stern look, before she began to remove the IV. It hurt like a little bitch, much more than he’d expected, but he didn’t flinch. He was too tired and too proud for that. Soon enough she was done, and replaced by Harry carrying a small vial of a white substance.

“Ey.” Harry kissed him, ever so soft, like he was made of glass. It annoyed him, but he didn’t say anything. Somewhere deep inside, in the part of his mind that sounded an awful lot like his mum, told him not to. Because maybe he wasn’t really that fragile, but that didn’t mean he didn’t deserve to be treated with care. “Can you close your eyes? I have something for you.”

“What is it?” He eyed his boyfriend suspiciously. “You know I don’t like surprises.”

“It’s not really a surprise.” Harry kissed him again. Apparently passing out in the middle of an exam made Potter extra affectionate. Draco wasn’t sure if he liked it. It felt a bit overbearing. “Just trust me. You’ll like it, I promise.”

“Fine.” Draco huffed, and he closed his eyes. He _did_ trust Harry, and also he was still just really bloody tired. Soon enough he could hear the cap getting pulled off the vial, and then a rough but gentle and careful finger brushed over his closed eyelids. It felt intimate as fuck, and he found himself blushing rather deeply because of it.

“I noticed the skin around your eyes is very red and irritated.” Harry explained as he applied the salve from the vial. “Hermione used to have the same problem. It comes from rubbing your eyes too much when they water from yawning, or so she said. It makes them very dry, and it makes them feel like they’re more swollen than they actually are.”

“Oh.” The finger moved away and Draco carefully opened his eyes again. Harry was looking down on him with one of those bloody intimate and caring smiles that could make anyone fall in love with the guy within two seconds. Or at least that’s the effect it had on Draco. “Thank you.”

“Don’t mention it. It’s what I’m for.” Draco disagreed with that, but he was cut off by Harry’s lips. Again they were very gentle, but this time Draco wasn’t having it. He broke the kiss and pushed his boyfriend away.

“Stop doing that. I’m not made of glass.” Harry looked confused, and a little bit hurt. “What I mean is don’t treat me like I can’t do anything. I passed out because I was tired and hungry, not because I have a terminal illness or something. I can take care of myself.”

Harry opened his mouth to protest that, because cleary Draco couldn’t actually do that. He wouldn’t have passed out if he could. But then he shot such a foul glare at Harry, that the boy kept his mouth shut.

“ _Don’t_ say it.” He sat up, ignoring his sore limbs and faint feeling of dizziness. He wanted to be level with Harry.  

“This is difficult for me, alright? I can _always_ count on my body not failing me even when I or others treat it like shit. It’s the one thing I could rely on during the war and after, up until yesterday. You treating me like I’m bound to break any second isn’t fucking helping me get past that. I _don’t_ want you to hover over me as if I’m suddenly a powerless infant.”

Harry looked startled by his outbreak, and surprised that he was even capable of raising his voice. The latter annoyed Draco to no end, and certainly didn’t calm him down. “I was just trying to-”

“You were just trying to help, I bloody well know that.” Draco snapped. “But treating me like I’m made of glass, like I’m incapable of making my own decisions fucking _hurst_ , because it means you don’t trust me. I know I stuffed up, I’m the one who’s bruised all over right now, I bloody _know_ , but you act as if my mistake means I shouldn’t make any of my own decisions anymore. ‘Oh I’m the bloody saviour, I’ll swoop in and safe my half dead boyfriend from his own incapable hands.’ That’s _not_ what I need of you right now.”

Draco threw the covers from his legs and got out of bed, inspired by the anger and frustration he was suddenly feeling. It made his world spin in front of his eyes, but somehow he managed to not fall over. He stood on the opposite side of where Harry was, and glared at him.

“That’s not what I was trying to do, Draco.” Harry said, sounding bloody considerate as if he were talking to an upset five year old. The Gryffindor tried to reach out for him, but he stepped away.

“ _Don’t_ , Potter.” He grabbed his toiletries, someone must have brought them over the day before, and made his way to the bathroom as quickly as he could without falling over. It hurt to move more than he expected, apparently the stone floor of the exam hall wasn’t very forgiving, but he didn’t let that show in the way he walked. He was too angry to fully feel it anyway. “Just piss off.”

And those were the last words he spat out before slamming the bathroom door shut.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll write a third chapter don't worry! I'll never leave my boys like this
> 
> Comments and kudos are much loved and very inspirational!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> there are some very bad innuendo jokes in here, be warned....

Only when afternoon bled into evening, did Harry return to the hospital wing. He may have tried not to get mad at Draco while he’d been yelling at him, but when the fight was done he’d still gotten incredibly pissed at his boyfriend. That, and the disapproving look from Pomfrey, had made him leave for a bit.

He’d gotten past that now though, as he quietly approached the last bed on the left. He didn’t want to wake Draco in case he was sleeping again. His boyfriend was awake though, and sat cross-legged on the covers of his bed. There was a History of magic textbook in his lap, though Harry could see Draco’s eyes weren’t really focussed on the words.

“Hey.”

Draco startled, but tried to hide that as soon as he saw who had greeted him. “Hi.”

“You’re studying again?” Harry carefully approached the bed and frowned. Pomfrey had been very clear about Draco needing rest and relaxation. This didn’t look like that.

“I’m allowed to make up for lost time tomorrow. Otherwise my marks aren’t in on time and then I’m not allowed to take my final NEWT exam.” Draco cast his eyes down. His hands were gripping the book so hard his knuckles were even whiter than usual. “I’m sorry for yelling at you this morning. It wasn’t you I was angry with. I shouldn’t have done it.”

Harry stopped a few feet short of the bed. “Who were you angry with then?”

“Not sure.” Draco shrugged, still keeping his eyes cast down. “Myself, mostly, for fainting in the first place. And for making so many stupid decisions. You a tiny bit, for being too nice.”

Harry huffed, stepped forward and sat on the edge of the bed. “Is being too nice a crime as well now?”

“It is when you’re only doing it because I stuffed up.” Draco gripped the edge of his book harder, and Harry suspected his fingers would shake if he let go. Some heavy words hang in the air around them, but Draco seemed quite dead set on not actually saying them out loud. _It is when I brought this on myself. It is when you being nice only makes me feel more guilty until I feel like I can’t breathe._

Sometimes Draco’s mask of self confidence was so strong Harry almost forgot it was a mask. Forgot how much damage the war had done to Draco.

“How do you know I didn’t just do it because the exams have just ended and you looked cute?” Harry put a hand on his lover’s knee and squeezed. Draco glared at him.

“Malfoy’s aren’t ‘cute’, Potter.”

“Denying a fact doesn’t make it any less true.” Harry smirked, but grew serious when he saw Draco didn’t smile along with him, as he usually did. “I’m not mad at you anymore, by the way. Not that it’s an excuse, but I know plenty of people who do a lot worse when they’re this stressed out.”

“Deaging curse.” Draco muttered, and they both chuckled. During a late night just before Christmas break, Hermione had accidentally cursed Ron to have the voice of a five year old, instead of answering if she wanted tea. Her head had been too full with age curses, and not full enough with _yes please, I’d like some Earl Grey_.

“See? Could have been much worse.” Harry gently began prying Draco’s fingers from his book. Then he remembered his boyfriend’s complaints, and dropped the gentle part. As soon as they were loose, Harry intertwined their fingers. And with that, his previous suspicion was confirmed. “Draco, you’re shaking.”

Harry squeezed the long pale fingers but it did nothing to still them. Draco looked down at their intertwined hands, unphased to find out that Harry was right. “I’m stressed. This is what I do when I’m stressed.” He shrugged. “It’s nothing I… Nothing I thought I couldn’t handle until I fainted yesterday.”

It clearly hurt to say those words.

Harry hated seeing Draco like that. He held onto Draco’s hands a little tighter and shuffled closer until his back was pressed against the headboard next to the other boy. “I think it’s time you take a break.”

“I can’t. Not until after I finish my History of Magic exam.” Draco squeezed Harry’s hands back, and then tried to get away so he could go back to studying. Harry wasn’t letting him though. He didn’t believe studying would be very effective anyway if Draco was this stressed out.

“How about we walk around the lake first? Get some fresh air. When we get back you can read a bit, then we eat and then I can quiz you, if you’d like.”

“Potter, how exactly do you plan on quizzing me if you can’t pronounce _any_ of the goblin names?” Draco shot him an exasperated look, but there was a fondness beneath it. “Honestly, I still can’t grasp how you haven’t managed to fail History of Magic yet.”

“Lot’s of good luck.” Harry climbed off the bed and held out a hand for Draco to take. “Now come on, let’s walk. It’s not healthy to be inside all day.”

“It’s not healthy to be so bloody optimistic all the time.” Draco muttered, but he still took his hand. “You have an hour for this _walk_ of yours, Potter. If it takes any longer I’ll just get stressed because I spend too much time not doing anything.”

“Relaxing isn’t ‘not doing anything’, _Draco_.” Harry shot his lover a halfhearted stern look, and wrapped an arm around his waist. “It’s taking some time for yourself to recharge a bit so you don’t break down. Oil for the engine.”

“I don’t know what that means but sure.” Draco rolled his eyes again. “I’ll say _relaxing_ is an activity if it makes you happy. Idiot.”

Harry smiled. “Only for you.”

“No, not really no. I’m quite sure you’re an idiot when I’m not around either.” Draco wrapped an arm around Harry’s waist as well and pinched him. “Don’t blame your bad behaviour on me.”

Harry pinched Draco back but let the comment slide. After all he couldn’t really deny it’s truth; he’d done plenty of stupid things without Draco anywhere near him.

* * *

 

“And, are you relaxing yet?” Harry asked five minutes later when their walk around the lake had turned into sitting on the docks with their feet in the water. It was surprisingly too hot to walk.

“I’m not doing anything, so I suppose I am.” Draco smirked when he caught his annoyed look. “Since when are you the expert on relaxing anyway? You used to dive head first into trouble as soon as you had five minutes to spare.”

“Trouble used to find me whenever I had five minutes or not.” He snickered, thinking back to all the shit he’d done over the years. It indeed hadn’t been very relaxing. “But I’ll admit I sometimes went looking for it as well. Which doesn’t happen much now because there’s no psycho killer out to kill me anymore, and because you stopped challenging me to wand fights at midnight.”

“Well, if you want to, I could always challenge you again. I do greatly enjoy our _wand fights_ these days.” Draco smiled at him through his blush and took a hold of his hand. “But you haven’t answered my question, Harry. Why are you suddenly this big on-”

Harry smirked, “I’ve always been this big, Draco.”  

Draco hit him on the back of the head and continued. “Why are you banging on about being relaxed?”

“Because I know how it feels to constantly watch over your shoulder expecting some bad guy to try and hurt you.” Harry sighed. The day was way too nice to be talking about such depressing matters. “To be constantly focussing on one thing, whether that’s horcruxes or keeping your family safe. Now that the war is over those are things we need to unlearn.”

Draco stayed silent for a very long time then. When Harry looked at him he saw his lover was biting his bottom lip so hard it almost drew blood. There were also tears in his eyes, which he was desperately trying not to show. His hand was like a deadlock around Harry’s own.

Harry wanted to say something, do something to make his lover not look like that, but he couldn’t think of anything. Lucky for him, Draco found his tongue back before he began to panic.

“That’s something _you_ need to unlearn.” Draco’s voice was soft, and sounded choked with panic. “My mother still receives death threats, and there are plenty of people out there who want my head on a stick. I’d be getting howlers on a daily basis if McGonagall wouldn’t check my mail. I know the war is over, but for me it sometimes doesn’t feel like that.”

The spring sun suddenly didn’t feel warm anymore, as Harry’s blood boiled over and froze in his veins at the same time. “How did I not know that?”

Draco let out a humourless chuckle. When he spoke, he sounded like he hardly cared about the meaning of his words, his voice light like a feather. “Because I didn’t tell you, obviously. You were rather shit at being happy for a very long time, and then, by some miracle, you became an expert at it while you were around me. I’ve never seen anyone lit up the way you do just by looking at me. I didn’t want to spoil it.”

Harry wanted to say something, something pissed off about Draco being the idiot this time before kissing him senseless. The Slytherin didn’t give him a chance though. He wasn’t finished talking yet. “Besides, I’m the only death eater who’s still got his soul. It’s hardly athirmacy to figure out all society’s hatred, anger and grief about what old snakey face did now ends up on my plate. I’m the only one left at the table.”

“Don’t talk about it like that.” Harry pulled his hand out of Draco’s grip and tried to catch his eye. It was a tricky business, but when he managed it he could see the hurt in them clear as day. He cupped Draco’s soft cheeks and kissed his forehead. “Don’t talk about it like it’s nothing. Like this is what’s supposed to happen. Like you deserve this happening to you. You don’t. It wasn’t your fault.”

“But my hands aren’t exactly clean either now, are they?” Draco shook Harry’s touch off and held said shaking hands out in front of him, as if he could see the dried blood still clinging to the trembling fingers.

“Neither are mine.” Harry took Draco’s hands in his own and guided them down. “That doesn’t mean you don’t deserve peace. Especially not since you’ve worked your arse off trying and succeeding to become a better person, alright?”

Draco just sniffed, and cast his eyes down to where their hands lay joined in his lap. A tear fell down on a pale finger, and Harry brought it to his lips and kissed it off. The sound of a small sob left Draco’s throat as he sat closer to Harry and with some difficulty pulled him into his lap.

Harry smiled, and kissed him. Slow, languid, as if he didn’t have a care in the world. It made him feel like a true teenager, and he loved that. He hoped Draco could feel it too. Hoped he could take some of that hurt away. “I love you.”

“I love you too.” Draco whispered against his neck. They sat in silence for a couple of minutes, before Draco spoke again. “Sorry for being such a mess.”

“No need to apologize.” He kissed Draco’s nose and smiled. “I love you when you’re a mess and when you’re not. Besides, you look-”

“If you say the word _cute_ , I will throw you into the lake.” Draco glared at him despite his red eyes, and to Harry’s great pleasure he could spot a spark of joy between all the grey again.

“Absolutely adorable when you’re-”

But as expected Draco had already tossed him into the water before he could finish what he wanted to say.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed that! There will be a next part, but I can't say how soon....


	4. Chapter 4

“You’re an arse.” Draco panted out once he was finally back on the lake shore.

“ _I_ am an arse?” Harry asked, offended, as he climbed out of the water as well and went to stand over him. His hair dripped water onto Draco’s heaving chest. “You’re the one who threw me into the bloody lake even though I can’t swim.”

“First of all, you provoked me, so it’s not really my fault.” Draco counted on his fingers, enjoying the way Harry let out an annoyed huff. “Second of all, how was I supposed to know you can’t swim? You did fine during the triwizard tournament.”

“That was because I’d grown gills.” Harry flopped down next to Draco and shoved him. “Without those I drown.”

“Not when your marvelous boyfriend dives in to save the day, you don’t.” Draco smirked, bend over Harry and kissed him. Just one, closed lipped kiss, followed by another, and another, until they were both panting for breath. When they broke apart Draco nipped hard at Harry’s bottom lip. “Punishment for scaring me half to death, you idiotic arse.”

Harry snickered and didn’t seem at all bothered by his actions. “Payback for throwing me into the lake in the first place. Now, let’s get back to the castle. Pneumonia isn’t going to do either one of us any good.”

“Alright. Pull me up.” He rolled off Harry and waited for him to get to his feet. Harry didn’t make a move though. “Well chop chop, Potter. I haven’t got all day.”

“Why are you never this demanding when it actually matters?” Harry propped himself up on one elbow and glared almost affectionately at him. “Honestly, Draco. You order me to pull you up, but when I try to get you to eat a banana all hell breaks loose. Drama queen.”

“Not my fault bananas are disgusting, Potter.” Draco shot back, avoiding the question.

“Bananas are a blessing to this world, Draco. Shut up.” Harry shoved him, rolled on top of him and gave him a hard kiss. “If I hear you say they’re gross one more time we’re getting a divorce.”

“I said disgusting, not gross, get your words right.” He flicked Harry’s forehead. “And we can’t get a divorce if we’re not married.”

“You’re impossible.” Harry smiled down at him, and a wonderful warm feeling spread through his chest. He hadn’t taken the time to hang out with Harry much in the weeks leading up to the exams. Not outside the library anyway. It was nice to be with him like this again.

“You _like_ impossible, so I don’t see the problem.” He put an arm around Harry’s neck and pulled him down for a kiss. It was quite a wonderful one in its kind, and they only broke apart when a bunch of second years started yelling at them.

“Ieuw, that’s so disgusting!”

“And so in public too! Seriously, do they not realise there are other people around here?”

“Give me a moment while I go vomit.”

Draco felt Harry tense up right away, and he laughed. The remarks sounded homophobic, yes, but Draco knew these people. They were Slytherins who protested against every sign of romance, out of principle after some of them had walked in on a bunch of eight years having a bit too much of a good time in an abandoned classroom.

“Oi!” Harry began to scramble to his feet. “If you have a-”

“Harry.” Draco tried to grab his boyfriend’s tie, and when that didn’t work he clamped onto Harry’s leg and bit in his calf. With a yelp, Harry stopped talking and remained in place. “They meant kissing in general, nothing offensive. No need to be a knight in shining armour.”

Harry just stared at him, while the yelling students snickered in the background. “Did you just _bite_ me?”

“I saved some second years from the unjustified wrath of a very powerful wizard.” Harry glared at him. “By biting his calf, yes. But I still saved them. I should get a medal.”

“For _biting_ me? You think you earned a medal for _biting_ me?” Harry shook his head in disbelief. “You’re insane.”

“I know.” Draco smirked, and when Harry pinched the bridge of his nose with his eyes closed Draco bit his calf again.

“Ouch!” Harry took several hurried steps back as a couple of the second years fell to the ground clutching their stomachs from laughter. “Why did you do _that_?”

“You have juicy calves.” Draco shrugged, greatly enjoying the exasperated noises Harry made. “Not my fault you’re so biteable.”

“I am _so_ selling this story to _The Daily Prophet_.” One of the second years told their friends. “This is gold.”

“You’re the worst.” Harry flipped him two fingers. Draco suspected his boyfriend wouldn’t help him up now, so he got to his feet on his own. There was a weightlessness around him that he hadn’t felt in forever. It was really rather nice, even though it got his boyfriend a bit pissed.

“No, I’m relaxed.” He grabbed Harry’s hand and pressed a chaste kiss on his cheek. “And in love, both because of you, so I’d stop complaining.”

“You bit me.” Harry said again, but it sounded slightly less outraged and offended now. “I can’t believe you bit me. _You._ bit-”

“Yes yes Potter, I bit you. Get over it.” Draco rolled his eyes and Harry huffed. “Honestly. And then you call me a drama queen.”

“But you _are_ a drama queen!” Harry called out as they began to make their way back to the castle. Then he added with a pout, “and you bit me.”

“Alright, _fine_. I’m sorry for saving some innocent second years by sinking my teeth into your delicious-” Harry cut him off by planting an elbow between his ribs. “Ouch! Fine. I’m sorry for biting you. It was too tempting but I shouldn’t have done it. Now happy?”

Harry just sighed in reply and pulled him close. “Sometimes I don’t understand why I love you so much.” Draco felt some of the happiness leave his chest when he heard that. He hadn’t meant to honestly piss Harry off. Just annoy him, because that’s what they always did.

“But then you pull a stunt like this and I remember again.” Harry smiled at him, and kissed him on the nose. “You’re bloody infuriating, but in a way that makes me feel normal. Not a saviour or a soldier, but just Harry. And that’s all I’ve ever wanted to be.”

“You have weird ambitions.” Draco shook his head, relieved that Harry wasn’t really angry with him. Sadly the wave of relief was soon followed by a wave of stress as they entered the hospital wing and he saw the time. Since he had to stick to Pomfrey’s strict bedtime, he only had three hours left to eat, get changed and study.

“Ey, Draco. You’ll be fine, okay?” Harry tugged on his hands until he stopped walking and pressed a brief kiss to his lips. “I bet you memorized all those dates and goblin names weeks ago.”

“I really didn’t.” He shook his head, thinking of all the hours he’d spend pouring over History of Magic, and how it now felt like he’d only read through them once. Trying to remember everything was like trying to scoop up water with just his hands. “But thanks anyway.”

Harry kissed him again, but sadly he got chased out of the room shorty after by an aggravated Pomfrey who didn’t want to risk Harry upsetting Draco again. Draco found that rather belittling, but after a stern glare from the nurse he decided protesting probably wouldn’t do much good.

“I’ll see you tomorrow after your exam, alright?” Harry stood on his toes and gave him a goodbye kiss. There was a twinkle in his eye that told Draco he’d probably see him sooner though. Which was for the best, probably. Draco didn’t think he could sleep without Harry there. “Good luck.”

“Thank you.” Draco waved his boyfriend goodbye, and then allowed Pomfrey to guide him back to bed. Hopefully the nurse would allow him to study during dinner. Merlin knew he needed all the time he could get.

Failure wasn’t exactly an option.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> my first exam starts in 47.5 hours....   
> so idk when I'll update this fic. I hope you guys enjoyed this new chapter!

**Author's Note:**

> This story is based on/inspired by my own exam stress. This means that updates might be very irregular, depending on how tired I am from learning myself etc. so please don't pester for updates.   
> I hope you enjoyed this! Please leave kudos or a comment if you enjoyed this, it would mean a lot to me<3


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